I seem to be having a bit of a set back with my self-esteem issues.

Basically I've been quite a closed person for years, other than my family I have never really had friends. I'm shy and find it difficult to open up to others, although on the surface I seem quite an okay 'up' person inside I lack confidence. Deep down I have always thought I'm not worthy of friendships.

In recent years I made great steps, through sport and volunteering I have made contacts and even some friends too. I have opened up to a few people, one particularly, and while I made connections it's made me feel really vulnerable. Posting this right now makes me feel really vulnerable.

I'm not as clever, smart, independent or achieving as the people I mix with. That is fact, I can't even get a paid job despite trying. I feel like they are just being kind and putting up with me. I try not to think this way but I can't help it. The thoughts are really crowding in on me at the moment, I can't seem to counteract them.

The urge to curl up into a ball is very strong today.