Thread: manic or MANIC
View Single Post
 
Old May 27, 2015, 10:31 AM
ingill ingill is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 19
When I'm manic, I'm mostly functional in the sense that I can take care of myself and go to work, but I don't accomplish much because I can't concentrate or I go off on crazy tangents that have nothing to do with anything. In the worst cases I can't even organize my thoughts and I end up locking myself in my office and just scribbling stream-of-consciousness nonsense in my journal. The elevation is way up there - feeling at one with the world, colors are brighter, I can hear every distinct sound and see every individual leaves on the trees. I also think I can see the molecules in the air but that's actually visual snow, which I have all the time :-) I get really excited about things and won't shut the **** up. The point where I start considering it actual mania (vs hypomania) is when I start to hallucinate or when people start commenting on my behavior frequently. Last time I got a lot of:

* I'll have whatever you're on
* Why are you smiling so much?
* Wow, how much has she had to drink? (one friend to another)
* Are you ok?
* ingill's been doing coke in the bathroom again (jokingly - to be clear, I've never actually done coke, why would I? My brain practically makes it!)

I think I've only ever had one irritable full manic episode, and it was unpleasant to say the least. I was completely sure my husband was spying on me (keyloggers, reading my browser history, gps tracker on my phone or car) and I kept looking for hidden cameras in my house. I 'heard' people having muffled conversations. I went on angry tirades at work. Screaming arguments were had, dishes were thrown. I spent weeks in such an intense rage (just constant, not in response to anything particular) that I'd scream my head off in the car on the way home, or if I happened to be home alone I'd put my head in a pillow and scream. So much that it made my voice hoarse, which I blamed on allergies. But the whole time I was going to work & school, though I wasn't doing a great job at any of it :-)
__________________
Bipolar I
Wellbutrin XL 300mg
Lamictal 75mg
Lorazepam .5mg PRN
Thanks for this!
cashart10