I'm so sorry. It shouldn't be like that at all. The goal should be always to find a medication that helps and lets you feel normal. Personally I'v not achieved that but my pdoc keeps trying.

I've heard a lot of positive stuff about Geodon. It didn't work out for me but very few meds do so that's not relevant.

I'm sorry it's so hard to find providers. I'm on Medicare and my understanding is that it is hard to find providers who take that as well. I was already established with a huge hospital without any problems taking Medicare before I even had it and my therapist's office doesn't take it but give a reduced rate. I do know that there are not many Medicare providers around here at all.