This is in regards to questions about dissociation above.

I grew up not knowing I was dissociating, but I was. When you are young you only know your world, and I just figured everyone did it, like it was normal- I didn't question it. Now in therapy, it was discovered that some my memories are seen from the outside looking in. I see myself getting hurt from above my body. Some memories I know I disconnected and went into a safe place like being in nature and could dissociate everything that was going on around me because I wasn't there or my mind anyway. Sometimes now, in the moment, if I feel threatened, it is like I have tunnel vision and everything around me is black and I am hunkering down, hiding from whatever threat is happening around me, shielding my arms around me figuratively- in my mind . Before or during dissociation while doing trauma work in therapy, my legs and feet either become numb or they get ansy, like I want to run away. My therapist learned to notice and most of the time I am only partially "there" but in my head. Sometimes I know I am doing it, but not always. But for me, dissociation was a natural response to trauma, it kept me safe mentally, while my body was being abused.

Now flashbacks which is kinda like dissociation since you are IN the memory and experiencing it, not in the present. But for me while flashbacks feel very real, I somehow I know I am having them. Nightmares on the one hand, is harder for me to tell when I wake up or in the middle of them. These could be flashbacks too. For me, I didn't even know dissociation was a thing until I learned about it in therapy 7 years ago. Now I know, and I can tell most of the time.