Okay so last week I was sitting at this coffee shop having a very good conversation with a lady. It actually carried me through a couple of days and thought about the conversation whenever I fell into the abyss. Well I'm back at the coffee shop again thinking lightening might strike twice - no such luck. I'm sitting here teetering on the edge thinking about the few chances I had to have a meaningful relationship. You know when I was younger I always thought that the closeness would come and I would have some fond memories. Well it didn't happen and the truth is some organisms ( that's what I call myself) are just left on the side of the road to rot. It's late in the day and I still haven't had anything close to romance or even a decent memory. People say that your life will pass before you when you are about to die - well I hope not because I don't want to see this nightmare again thank you very much. It's been an exhausting marathon filled with dark alleys and momentary glimpses of what it's supposed to be. I don't have any advice for anyone in the area of surviving this mess - what I have are tears and the feeling that climbing out of the womb was a waste of time.