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Hello 'secret' and please please do hang in there, at least for a bit longer. If and when you do actually decide to depart, you'll never know what could have been, and when you've gone there's no way back in the mortal sence. Remember, that what method of leaving us you choose, could go very very wrong and you could spend the rest of your natural life confined to a wheelchair or severely brain damaged/disabled. YES, I DO know exactly how you're feeling for ive been there SOOO many times over the last 30 plus years. The only thing I ask you to consider, is to defer that destructive move a few hours, or even days (which would be better) that way you won't have hurt yourself or anybody who loves you. Xxxxx
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