My T is away from work for two months due to a shoulder injury. I miss her.
Memories of T:
When I first heard your voice, I was feeling abandoned by previous T. You called to tell me when our first appointment was. You suddenly back tracked to make sure that I still wanted to talk to you. I knew then that you work hard to apply the ethics of your profession.
Our first session together was torture for me. I wanted to talk about what was on my mind but I had to let you have 1 orientation/review session.
You did my positive thinking for me when I couldn't do it myself. I sometimes joked to myself that you were my substitute inner-T.
I felt like I was just a big cry baby. I was sitting in the chair off to the side of your desk with your diplomas on the wall off to the other side of me. You were sitting on the couch facing me. You said that I can have a problem and not be the problem. You listed off a collection of medical problems while drawing on the couch with your finger. You were so cute then.
One time, the receptionist called to cancel a session because you had a seminar or something to attendant. I managed not to cry on the phone but should that I wasn't happy about this. The receptionist said that she'd check with you about re-scheduling. Later, she called back and said that you would come back early to talk to me. I felt like you care about me. I kept thinking "_____ cares about me." over and over again. When I tried to explain this to you, you said that I wasn't supposed to even get that call. You didn't understand why it meant so much to me. I didn't give you much of chance to understand because I didn't mention it until I was at the elevators to leave. I should have mentioned it in session.
I shared with you my regrets about when I lived with my great aunt who died in June 2005. You said that it is natural to get frustrated when caring for an elderly relative and said that you had been a caregiver for a elderly person before. You said that I helped her just be being there to keep her company. I added that I called 911 when she fell down and couldn't get back up. My mind played with that conversation for atleast a week. I was in one of my counseling classes and that conversation was distracting me from class. (I didn't mind much.)
One day, you talked my ear off about success. I was shocked to hear you talk so much. I am used to talking your ear off instead of the other way around. You argued that my living on my own and not being on disability is a sign of success. While you talked, I thought of the glass-is-half-full vs the glass-is-half-empty debate. You seemed to be argueing for half-full while I was argueing (in my head) that it might as well be empty. I read a quote from my Rational Emotive Therapy book that reminded me that all people have "positive and negative aspects." It made me think of our conversation. I changed the wording to "Everyone has had successes and failures. Therefore, I have had successes and failures in my life." I drew a picture of a half-full glass and listed my successes in the water. I shared it with you in our next session. I also thought about how a glass is better because it has more water than another glass. One person can have more/less success than another and still be equally worthwhile because of their humanity. What a wonderful idea!
I miss T. I miss T. I miss T.