...speaking of getting worse.... I feel like therapy is having me back slide. for one thing, t can't remember ANYTHING so I am making her a cheat sheet of my life. Each week when I have to tell her AGAIN who my abusers were or YES that was him, or NO he's not in my life because.... I lose ground. And I ended up on a track yesterday that none of us wanted to be on. I got the red flag warning, but didn't (or couldn't?) heed it... then followed that track with another I'd promised we'd not go on (but I wasn't in front)... and then got derailed and session ended and I'm in the car, on the phone... while another alt is out and self harming That hasn't happened since April 17th. Then I tried to leave, but clearly couldn't drive and ended up back in t's office an hour later - totally swapped out into a really little one - playing with the toys and chewing on one of our own.
I feel like i'm not making ground, yet alone headway. I did fire the other t because it was clearly never ever going to become therapeutic. But surely there's got to be a happy medium somewhere?