Quote:
Originally Posted by dolphinlover8
I'm really afraid to say this but ever since I was little I have always gotten these feelings off and on. It was always a feeling of being extremely embarrassed. Almost like I am embarrassed of my life and just existing. I'm embarrassed that people know me. It's like I wish my parents had a different kid and that I never existed. As I get older I don't have these feelings as much but they still come back every now and then. I feel like I am the only one who feels like this and gets these feelings. I am too afraid to tell anyone but it just makes me so upset and just feel awful. Like I want to be "perfect". I know no one is perfect but I feel like if I do something wrong or if I said something wrong, I try to act like I am right because I get too embarrassed to be wrong. I know everyone is wrong sometimes so I don't know why I feel like this. Basically I'm embarrassed to be living. I know it's an awful thing to say but that's how I feel and how I have always felt.
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I know how you feel. I am in my 50's and am still embarrassed about everything. It is my strongest emotion, after sadness. I have a Masters Degree and had a great career, but always felt like an imposter, like someone was going to find out that I am not that smart or good at what I do--I know its called imposter syndrome. I apologize all the time --unlike you I always feel wrong--which is stupid! And I know it. All the positive affirmations in the world and a little bit of (not helpful) therapy cannot change the insecurity, embarrassment I feel and the anxiety it causes. I hope you find help...its exhausting feeling this way! I thought I would grow out of it, but that hasn't happened yet.