thanks alex. It's reaffirming. i will look up those ideas and i will ask. When i began therapy with him.. or rather while i was shopping for a new T, i asked him some things i felt difficult. i asked directly if he was willing to be flexible with his approach and if he was willing to deal with past issues. i asked directly about whether it would be we or just he who would determine the length and speed. i wrote him several letters early on in which i did my best to give him as much information as possible about my pitfalls and defenses... and about how obstinate i would prove to be. i told him i needed to be allowed to need him.

i'm not sure how to word this letter for today, thankfully i have all afternoon. On one hand i am angry and frustrated that he hasn't yet given me what i need despite my efforts, on the other i am wanting to express a need in a positive way... an emotional plea.

it is tremendously helpful to use this place as a practice environment.