I pretty much know what my mom thinks. She is highly unlikely to pick up on psychosis. And actually it's likely enough that this is the first time I've had this much psychosis at once and the first time anyone was afraid of throwing me into a complete psychotic break. I seriously doubt my mom would see that. I know she is worried because I have trouble talking and making sense sometimes and because I am so, so tired. As far as she is going to notice she's very worried and has said a bunch of times that she is afraid I'll be hospitalized. So she's about the same as me.

Therapist knows more about psychosis. I don't know if he's seeing it or just going on what I told him. I guess I need someone in my head to tell me what I'm thinking and feeling and is it normal. I think a lot isn't but it FEELS normal at this stage, does that make sense? So now we've established there is psychosis but how much of the time am I psychotic? I'm assuming not that much because my therapist didn't call my pdoc immediately but he's worried so it's not something to ignore.

My current safety is that I'm not suicidal. The thoughts are there sometimes but just fleeting, not dangerous. I guess we have to treat this before I am in danger from that. Right now putting that kind of plan together is beyond me so there is that.

I just don't know how I feel exactly or how I feel about what I learned today. Nor do I know what to tell him. I'm keeping things frmo him and I don't even know what they are.