Hi Friend

please stop hurting yourself. you already suffer inner pain and turmoil, why do you need physical pain as well. go to a psychiatrist and get yourself anti-depressants instead of recreational drugs. anti-depressants can help you to calm down so that you can have clear mind. then you can look out for other options like therapy, exercise, meditation....

first remember that some brain chemicals are messing up and that's the reason you can't feel joy or pleasure and i want you to accept yourself. denial is going to increase your suffering and rage. be kind to yourself.