last night i smoked Pot again.

it is really bad for me. i was in a pretty optimistic mood before i relapsed. but as soon as i did i started feeling like my body was being taken over by some alien force. and that the whole world/god has a deep seeded grudge against me because of something i did in my past that i couldn't remember. that was when i started tripping about all the things i do wrong (this is how i usually trip when i smoke)

Things i do wrong: Smoke cigarettes, Drink, Smoke weed, irresponsible.

But i could not stop smoking cigs, and i could not do anything but sit there and trip over and over. At some point i started feeling like there is no God, and i have no soul. I started to feel like i was dying, i could not breath. and i didn't feel like my soul would survive either. that after i die that will be it. which isn't that bad i guess but dying is painful, and i felt like everyone who reads my mind including my mom wanted me to die. so i started yelling for help, but mom didn't know what to do or say.

I also felt like i had nothing to live for anyway. I am mentally ill, irresponsible, and the only men i know are voices in my head (who were also there btw encouraging me, and saying they love me, but who wants to be crazy and only have voices in their head who love them?)

Drugs are bad, M'Kay?