Having my life completely turned upside down my a back injury 7 years ago, having extremely successful surgery,recovering 10x better than ever expected only to be rear-ended by someone not paying attention after GLOWING post op exam.... I am stuck living the rest of my life in chronic pain.
I run my old family farm by myself-renovate, repair, cope with pool care, an acre of land and it literally takes me the entire week to do, but it's the only sense of accomplishment I have to survive on and feel "able" not "dis"-abled.....
My kids live close, yet I never see them, my friendships have suffered because I am too often simply in too much pain and can not "DO" what I used to!!! The one issue I seem to struggle with is that because people can not SEE my injuries- they blow it off and say..."oh, come do this, or that.... you'll feel better being around people..." and in all honesty I feel as if my pain and inability to function is not fun to be around so I choose not to go- further isolating myself... when I say I REALLY, REALLY need to go lie down, it is me with protest...."Oh stay a little longer.." when I say I need to go lie down, I REALLY mean it... I have always had an extremely high threshold for pain- but this just knocks me off my feet quite often and I have no choice but to go take my meds and lie down....
It has affected every relationship and this injury occurred JUST as I was emerging from a brutal, emotionally destructive marriage, while caring for a mother with Alzheimer's and raising two kids by myself, balancing out a relationship with my biological family, had gotten sober 7 years before, lost 90lbs and had never felt better in my life... then everything was yanked out from underneath me...
The chronic, daily pain is so incredibly draining, to be in pain every single day- knowing it will never be better than this and the absence of my kids and family makes it more of an emotional roller coaster... they don't want to be around the person who use to be so much fun, willing to try everything, host pool parties, blast music in the back field, my whole life and personality changed- and I am finding that people who do not suffer the way WE do with chronic pain simply "do NOT get it" - because they can not see me bleed, there is nothing "visible" for them to ascertain that I really AM in pain and I have learned very well to paste a plastic smile on my face so I don't let on just how much pain I am in and bring other's down.....
This is literally sucking the life out of me.... I do not like who I have become and would give anything to HALF the person I once was.....