I am not doing well. It's getting worse. I need some ideas and support. This is the only place I can get any solace about my situation. I wish I knew you guys in person so I wouldn't feel so isolated.

I'm having strong feelings that are hard to describe. I feel like I am locked in a cage. I am not feeling positive about my current meds. They have helped me some but I am still having mood instability and my pnp refuses to take me off lithium. Now I need to find yet another pdoc (hopefully an actual psychiatrist) but there are none available. I'm on a waitlist though. I just feel so lost, so alone. I don't have the strength to fight this battle anymore. Despite being on lithium I've really felt my emotions ramping up more and more the past few days, and last night I sobbed for a while. It was the first time I had even cried in a long time. I don't want to end up in the hospital again but I fear that is what will happen, as I am feeling the opposite of calm. I'm starting to feel frantic. You know that feeling? I don't know what to do. I could go to the crisis center I guess. I feel like I am floating in a giant abyss with nothing to cling to. I don't want to have this illness. It hurts too much. I don't think I can do this anymore. Something has got to change. After all these years I still can't accept it. I don't want to accept it. I just want to be me but I don't know who that is without bipolar. I just want to sleep forever. I don't know what to do. I wish I could escape my life. I'm starting to feel those really bad feelings and I wish somebody would know or notice or care because I really need help.