Did it!!! Finally got answers wether I wanted to hear them or not.
Its official....BPD....not shocked as two member of family are also.
I was very nervous but pdoc ended up being awesome.
He explained sooo much,even made me laugh.

Pdoc brings his retriever to work.....COOL.
Told me I could bring my dog next time I needed him,as he's also a vet....(.I wasnt sure if he was serious) ....DIFFERENT?
Other clients bring thier dogs too.

We also talked about substance abuse,drinking,cutting EVERYTHING.He told me he doesnt believe in contracts for SH etc......Perfect
Got me on a new RX ,even stuff for anxiey.....should of done this a long time ago.Hindsights 20/20.
Thanks for reading my rant.