I just spent some time reading about why we choose who we choose and found this written by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D.:

What we are doing, I have discovered from years of theoretical research and clinical observation, is looking for someone who has the predominant character traits of the people who raised us. Our old brain, trapped in the eternal now and having only a dim awareness of the outside world, is trying to re-create the environment of childhood. And the reason the old brain is trying to resurrect the past is not a matter of habit or blind compulsion but of a compelling need to heal old childhood wounds.

And if that is true...YIKES is all I can say!!!

He refers to "old brain" and "new brain" and you will have to google him to read more if you're interested.