I'm just exhausted by it. I'm not even in a real episode though maybe depression is coming. Who knows. That is what I mean. I feel like it is not just and episodic illness as this forum seems to prove. There is more to it. There is something constant. The battle, the worry, the wondering, the analyzing, the therapy and the appointments and the meds and the constant where am I? Up down all around in out under in between. Bipolar isn't really a good word for it.

Even well I feel exhausted by the daily maintenance and worry of bipolar. The blips and the tears and the lonely black hole pangs and aches. The inability to describe it to others. The isolation of being the only bipolar I know in real life. The fact that loved ones will never understand.

The stress and strain of holding everything together all day all the time and never having a place to collapse, to let go, to be bipolar except for here.

Okay I'm out of time.

I love you guys