Hi Nicoleresati, first of all.........amazing job talking yourself down in the past, and moving on to recovery!!!
That must have taken a lot of strength!!!
But as you must know depression can creep up on you and be so overwhelming and it sounds like you're struggling again now. Although kudos on speaking up about it and reaching out for help!!
And I wouldn't say that some of those things you're getting mad at are irrelevant, not at all. Your reaction to them is probably a sign of how hard you're finding things in your life
So..........are there any family members or friends who may be able to give you a bit more support?? Are there any things in your life that may need changing, or anywhere you could reduce a little pressure on yourself?? Any things you could start doing which may help a little e.g. activities (with or without others!!)??...........And anything/s that helped you last time around which you may be able to lean on again??
There may be no "quick fixes" but perhaps.........if there are any starting points which may help a little?? And naturally you're free to drop by here whenever you need support.
As for the SI, you know we've got a forum for that too, if it helps
But the "considering turning to drugs".........if you mean "street drugs"...........please don't!!
Sure, you may get temporary relief from some of them, but it will only be temporary and there can be so many bad sides to them too. Please don't go there.
Or if you're meaning prescribed drugs...............well if you need them.......absolutely!!
But there may be other options to explore first, other options which might gradually work just as well without needing to go down that route. So maybe start with trying some different things first?? I know it's really hard but hey, you've already shown you've got some serious strength and we're here for you too in this.

Alison