lower and lower... i feel like total @!#% ...
medicines cant be helping any....
pdoc appointment in july, all i can do is cry to my case manager and pray she talks with the doctor for me

im having self harm intrusive thoughts, depression.... no motivation or strive to do anything besides sleep... and at the same time obsessing very much over whats happening to me...
i think im starting to have another mixed episode...
as i cant directly explain what im going through....

why cant i have some good feelings, euphoria, i need a break from this all...