Hello guilloche and everyone on this thread.

Ok, I did sign up and have been doing the EBT for about 5 weeks. The group I joined only had two other people who both proved to not be very compliant about doing daily community connections by phone. Thankfully, my group coach hooked me up with others outside of our group who wanted connection buddies, so I have been utilizing them heavily.

In the connections, you aren't to parent each other but simply to witness checking in, where you spend 2 minutes doing meditative breathing and going within yourself to ask yourself what brain state you are in. If you are at a 3, 4 or 5 (very stressed out!), you can ask your buddy if they have time for you to use a tool to work on breaking that wire. They can give a connecting message about how your work made them feel, and then what the gift was to them of witnessing your work. Otherwise, you can just accept your brain state and end the connection.

I have been working the program pretty heavily. I have also been going through a really rough spell with medication not working, mood swings, with the "good times" not feeling all that good, deteriorating into lows where I feel empty, disconnected, just outright down and apathetic. I'm on mirtazapine and have gone up to almost the highest dose rather quickly, and it is not holding me. My requests for help from the p-doc who prescribed were ignored. I have an appointment to see him on Monday (scheduled the last time I saw him), but I really needed help a couple of weeks ago and didn't get it. I'm just hanging on trying to make it to this appointment. I have an appointment with another p-doc in my therapists office, one she recommended I see, in two weeks. I'd have seen him sooner and ditched the other doc, but couldn't get an appointment sooner.

So, I am struggling with the EBT because I can't seem to access my inner nurturing voice, don't seem to have one, and I can't seem to pop myself to a "1" as they say (by using tools to break those old unhealthy wires, you're supposed to be able to raise your brain state). I have worked this thing like a woman obsessed, but don't ever feel I can get to a 1, where you feel your joy, feel good.

They do say the brain is very stubborn and not willing to change, so in the beginning it is slow going and you may spend mere moments at 1 when you generally wired at a 4 or 5 like I believe I am. But I think my med situation is making it much more difficult, since I'm not at all well-controlled right now. I do think that had I not had EBT to resort to over the last month as I was going through this horrible period, I would have been MUCH WORSE OFF!! Having those live humans to connect with, whether your coach or the group members, has been a life saver or sorts since I live in a remote area and am alone during the day.

I am very lonely, and not working. I know working would give me purpose, but I am frankly not strong enough to seek employment right now and my therapist agrees. It doesn't make it any easier, though, being so isolated.

So, I'm not willing to give up on EBT, yet, but still seeking the shift "above the line" that EBT touts.