I apologise beforehand for the long post:

I need help! My relationship with my husband is so fragile, I dare not say what is on my mind or it blows out of proportion. I have to be so careful how I phrase an opinion or he takes it personally. Anything that is not a compliment, is an insult and accusation. e.g. After I prepared dinner tonight I needed to do some work. I left the food in the oven and after a while my husband asked if we can eat. So I said he and his son should go ahead and I will eat later, just want to finish what I was busy with, they must please leave me food. (this was around 8pm). I finished my work and went to dish up and saw that they had left me a pitiful amount of food behind, basically vegetables and a few small pieces of meat. I was struck by the inconsideration of it and after mumbling (loudly) to myself in the kitchen I said to him that I thought it was inconsiderate of them to leave me such scraps when there was more than enough for 4/5 people. He did not respond at first and I repeated myself. I suppose it was bordering on nagging because I was pissed off and basically wanted a 'sorry', yes we were inconsiderate. So of course the food I dished up was tasteless only because my mood was sour. My husband got extremely angry and defensive, started shouting that never in the 15 years that we have been together has he had to argue about food. I tried to get a word in edgewise between the f's and other swear words and shouting and throwing of things to try and explain that I was only trying to make a point. The point being that I think they were inconsiderate when they dished up and did not consider that I still had to eat. I know this sounds so incredibly petty - food for goodness sakes!!! Why fight over food????? So a pleasant evening turned into a hellish night with loads of sceaming, swearing and shouting. I kept asking that he must stop swearing and shouting at me and eventually had to leave to meet someone - a prior arrangement. What still baffles me is that a simple question: "Why did you guys not leave me a decent portion of food. Why were you so inconsiderate?" get such a reaction. My timing was possibly a bit off. He heard tonight that the school recommend his son goes for counceling. Something I have suggested more than 2 years ago. Someone else suggests it and it becomes gospel. But from me it was only criticizing.

I think it is time I exit this relationship. It is too difficult. Too draining and he is too unstable. Who is this guy I married? He is unpredictable, now in a good mood, 30 minutes later in a destructive mood. It's those wild tantrums that scare the [censored] of me, when is it going to spill over into a physical thing.

I am so confused, perhaps I just bring out the worst in him, perhaps it is me, perhaps I am this self-destructive type of personality, just cruising for a bruising.

As far as his temper is concerned, I have loads of examples, chairs, telephones, filing cabinets etc thrown against the walls. What the hell is wrong with him, why is he so angry? Is it the financial burden,? Is it because he has missed his calling/dream in life? Which he changes every year anyway. Is all the responsibility perhaps too much for him? Is it the expat lifestyle? Is it someone else? Is it me? He seems to have a very short fuse.

I know of people who have restarted their lives with less material posessions than I have. What am I so scared of? Why am I not leaving? This situation surely is not a healthy one? Is it 15 years that I don't want to throw away? Is it perhaps that at times I still love him and want to be with him and that we sometimes have good times together? But is it really worth the effort?

I am phoning a marriage counsellor tomorrow and can hopefully see her soon.

I have to stop myself from packing my bags and leaving, but where do I go? Is this perhaps why I am staying? Because I have nowhere else to go? I only know that I do not want to take this emotional abuse anymore. We seem to argue about everything!

He confuses me so, on one hand he demands I earn more so I can contribute financially. On the other hand he asks me to do silly little things for him which he can do himself. I am busy working, he phones and asks if I will make him a sandwich if he came home at lunch time (I work from home). I mentioned I had an urgent job to get out but he insisted and said it won't take long. He leaves his suit on a chair, the cat sleeps on the suit and gets hair all over it and he asks me to remove the hair. He keeps saying that I have more time than he does. My time is more flexible but I don't have more time.

I sound so bloody pathetic! *****ing *****ing and more *****ing!!!! I feel like running away from everyone including myself! Surely this cannot be so difficult to sort out either way, stay or go.