Thank you everyone for your support and condolences. Yesterday I couldn't do much, I was crying since 5:30a. Today is just a tad bit better. I'm sure it will come in waves. My husband and I had such a great few days before he died. I had told him I was feeling depressed and for once he didn't yell at me or get mad or get scared. He just hugged me and told me he loved me more than anything in the world. He ticked me into bed; he cleaned, he made dinner, he gave our son a bath, everything. He was amazing and I just remember thinking how lucky I was to have him. Unfortunately he couldn't deal with his own pain and turned to drugs, not knowing it would be his last time. He never would have done that to me if he had known. I just hope he stays with me in spirit now.

I'm not alone. My mother and brother have been great. My sister in law and her husband have taken Care of all the arrangements for me because I couldn't face it. I'll get through this day by day, minute by minute. Yesterday I had a period of intense thoughts of going after him - going to be with him again. But I can't leave my son with no parents and I never will. So I just stayed busy and stayed with people until the moment passed. That's what I will do. I've never been able to reach out to people when I'm feeling like that but that has to change. I've got to help myself for my son. I can't let him grow up like I did, all alone.

Thanks again everyone. I will need your continued support through all of this.