for me it's my best friend. a lovely lovely girl who is struggling with an eating disorder herself and kind of understands what's going on in my head. i don't appreciate her enough, that's for sure, and i feel like i don't deserve her, but i keep trying to believe her when she says that she really needs me in her life, too.

she made me promise to stay alive, for her. and it was scaring me when i did it, but it has gotten me through three massive relapses ever since. if it wasn't for her, i wouldn't have been here anymore. i don't know which scenario i like better tho tbh at this moment, but i've kept my promise. so far.