It really is a continual trap - we think we're old enough to know, that we can have sex with someone without getting attached, that we'll keep our head on our shoulders...but it never turns out like that. Every time I get sexual with someone that I can't trust my heart with, and that has been every relationship I've had, I always get tossed aside before anything meaningful can develop. Or the relationship lacks everything that makes a good and healthy relationship, I end up taking on relationships that are unhealthy-damaging.
Why - I ever think that the next time will be different, I can't really pin point. I think I withhold relationships for a long time, then when I finally get involved again, I'm way to eager for it to happen. I am not patient and waiting to get to know him, or waiting for him to reveal himself. I think I just assume that the next one will be better, I convince myself of a lot of ideal things that may not be true of the person at all.
I have a deeply rooted belief that my sexual involvement is somehow going to make a love happen, but that is never the case - they usually love the sex but there is nothing like the love that I want and need in their mind. Its just sex.
This is so much like the old fashioned rules....but its true, men are different than women when it comes to sex. Everything about them is hardwired to go for the chase - if they GET you, they better have their head in the right place so they do the right thing by you...otherwise you were just a cheap lay.
And that sadly, regrettably is where most of my stupid relationships have ended. With men that are just not worth all the sweetness and goodness and everything that I have to offer.
And me - not holding onto all of that to wait for someone who is.
What a dummy.