Having an issue is problem enough. Then we have to deal with it. Then we have to pick and choose who we tell, if anyone. Then we need to just get through some days with our dignity.

Last night, I attended a retirement party. As part of my wider plan to handle myself, I quit drinking a few months ago. I didn't ask any questions of myself. Booze just *wasn't* working for me. I'd wake up hung over, depressed, and I'd take it out on my family and promise to quit. Then a few weeks later, I was stonkered again on some random Saturday night and the cycle started from Square 1.

So last night, I go to the party and immediately get hit up to be a drinking buddy. I was sort of amazed at how many people wanted to get me drunk......as part of my BP, I'm sort of paranoid and I almost felt like it was a trap. We'll get this fool drunk and he'll make an idiot of himself.

So I tell people "no" and I just wanted to cool it but people wouldn't take no for an answer or asked me to explain why. Huh? "Come on man, just one drink". "We've never drank before, have a beer with me". "You need to loosen up, have a quick shot". "Oooooh no drinking tonight? How come?" Holy f*** get off my back already.

I was a big drinker on spot occasions but I never remember being like that with other people. Last night was one of my first early social challenges in my BP stage - I've avoided these things for the past few months but couldn't pass on the party last night.

I ducked downstairs, took my Depakote, came back up, blended back in, ate my dinner, and quietly left. I left on a good note though - a colleague of mine who's really funny was leaving at the same time and he passed me in the parking lot in his truck. He rolls his window down and says to me "that party SUCKED"! I cracked up.