I've been medicated for almost 2 weeks now. I didn't expect any real changes for about 6/7 weeks. However, I'd been feeling more positive. The sexual urges are going, I've been good with money and generally less hyper. Id been sleeping and eating more. Things seemed to be moving in the right direction, finally.

That all changed today.

I went shopping and spent a lot of money on a jacket. I'm talking hundreds of pounds. I didn't really need this jacket. I have many jackets. I also spent nearly two hundred pounds on aftershave, and another one hundred and fifty pounds on some trainers. I shrugged this off and pretended it was ok.

I went out with my friends this evening, but I had to come home. I can feel the depression stalking me. I'm not sure if it's the spending, or just maybe I'm due another visit, It's been 5 months now. I just had to leave the bar we were in. I wanted to break. None of my friends know I'm ill. I just said I didn't feel well.

One step forward, 3 back, and nobody to lean on.

F**k this illness.