The last year has been really bad for my family. My brother has had some issues that have divided our family. He was out of work for many months and has had serious financial issues. His car broke down and he is driving a junker that cannot make the trip down here. Since chances are quite good that there will be a period with an enforced separation due to legal issues (I don't want to be very specific) we do what we can to spend time with him while we can.

His ex-wife recently moved back to the city where he lives. They've remained good friends. Unfortunately my ex-SIL is one of the most difficult people on the planet for me to be around. And she's volunteered to bring him down here Wednesday. I appreciate beyond all words that she has stayed part of my brother's life in the last year. Not many people have; it was a very big fight for me to do it. But I am not ready to see her. She's hard to take when I'm doing well.

I'm supposed to see my therapist twice this week so hopefully the 2nd time can be on Wednesday. But even if I'm not here I still somehow have to get my house all pretty. It's newly built on my mom's property and like everyone who visits she'll want to see it. Which means I have to clean and organize things. (I live in a tiny space so one thing out of place looks messy).

And I do not have the stability, emotional stability, motivation, or caring to bother with this. My house is mostly pretty neat because I've been manic and manic means cleaning but it's definitely not perfect. My mom will help me but she's busy with work and has a bunch of stitches in her arm. I need to do as much as possible on my own.

And I don't care. I really, really don't care. But my mom does and I owe it to her to have it look nice since she provided me a place to live.I have no motivation to organize cat food right now.....the bathroom is clean. The dishwasher is partially loaded and I need to wash some pans. The living room has some clutter.

I'm happy to do pointless tasks but this cleaning for someone I don't like to see my house is really frustrating.

This used to be so easy....