I'm feeling low again. Just trying to hold on until I start to feel better. I think recovery is starting to get on my nerves a bit. I don't want to offend anyone but all the spirituality that is discussed is agitating me. I have a serious aversion to it all. Went to my sponsors house today and she knows that about me yet she felt the need to pray before we did any "work." She tried to hold my hands which I just left on the table not holding hers, and said that I didn't have to pray with her. I also am tired of the hugs which I've told a lot of people but she also insists on kissing my cheek. Someone else did that last weekend at a stupid wedding I went to. Enough already! People need to stop with all the closeness.

The real feelings I am having right now, while trying not to cry, is that my effing parents rarely hugged me and never kissed me. I wanted and needed that from them. I don't want it from all these stupid people. All it does is make me uncomfortable. How do I stop people from doing this?

One of my dogs just came up to me and put her paws on my leg while I am here at the computer. Not unlike me asking my dad to talk to me when he was working on his computer when I was a child. My dad just ignored me. I'm not exaggerating. I picked up my dog and held her for a while. She put her head on my shoulder and sighed. After five minutes or so I put her gently down and she is now satisfied and laying on the floor at my feet. This is my dog. Why couldn't my dad even acknowledge me?

I need to get out of my head here. Thanks for letting me have a place to get this out. Thinking about it all will not help me but just bring me down further. I'll try to remember to tell my T about it all though. I you guys and I hope you are all being treated the way you want and need.