I dont know how you make me feel. On the one hand im happy to hear from you, yet on the other i couldn't care less. Sometimes i think of you and want to fix the troubled time you are having, and sometimes i think of you and wish i hadn't. The truth is im at war, war with myself. My two halves constantly at odds with each other. The side that loves you and will always love you and the side that doesnt want anymore to do with you. But do you want to know what the funny thing is, the funny thing is both sides want the same thing in the end. Both sides want for you to hurt me. Hurt me not because if you do i have a reason to be mad at you and end things, not because if you do it would say to me how you really feel. But hurt me because i know you have to, cause thats the natural progression of things. I have to be hurt by you cause i didnt learn the lesson the universe was trying to teach me the first time around. After you i threw myself into partying and drinking and one conquest after another. None of whom ever feeling like you but I cant help but feel i missed something along the way. You waltzing back into my life is obviously a wake up call. A call that eludes me, im missing a piece to the puzzle its a blarring one but im blind to it none the less. I don't know what to make of all this. I'm so tired of being in a constant struggle with myself.