You are kind, loving, a good mama, a strong fighter against an ugly illness, you cut up your credit card to stop spending money, you try to keep peace with your husband when that's a difficult situation. You're supportive of everyone on this board. You've worked very hard to get new care providers lined up and advocated for yourself to find a therapist you fit with better. You've been honest with your providers even when you were worried that you would be hospitalized. You are a good person.

I can't be a friend to anyone. I get angry at random strangers and let them see it over totally random things that aren't their fault. I am unable to trust people. I've never had a relationship and I'm 39 years old. I live mostly like a hermit. I rely on my mom for cheap rent and the ability to reduce my rent if I have a hard month. She also is the only way I get meat and sometimes the only way I get a healthy meal. I drive when I'm too tired to do it. I love my nieces but dread babysitting for about 4 hours on Saturday. I'm unreliable when people ask me to help with things. I avoid family events and have convinced myself most of my family (extended) hates me or looks down on me. I gave up on various parts of sleep hygiene years ago because it doesn't work even though I know it might work sometime. I spend way too much time on the internet. I don't push myself hard enough to do housework unless I'm manic and have to keep busy. I have to take klonopin to handle family events. I wasted an expensive and hard-earned education because I couldn't work with bipolar. I rely on charity for meds, medical care, rent, and student loan forgiveness. I eat too much junk food when I feel bad even though I know that I need to stick to fruits and veggies. I can't remember anything. I never sent my aunt a sympathy card when my uncle died in January. Even my brother with impaired social skills did that. (I hope my social skills are better than his anyway). I rely on my mom for way too much help. Do you want me to continue?