Healingme4me,

he had strong narcissistic traits when I couldnt get the papers right to sponsor him to my country. He was heartless with verbal abuse and vanished in narcissistic rage. I have written more about this and him in my first post a while back. It was a shock and traumatizing as he turned into Hyde out of the blue.

So no he didnt have any empathy with me at all. Its the first time in 8 months ( its around 8 months since his father died ) that I felt this triggered because he says it in a way that sounds like I dont know how difficult it is. If I mention my lost loved ones he usually dont say that much, he just listen and he comes with the words "that is life", "some people die young" and he came with other bad stories in the world, its like he doesnt acknowledge "my" pain as it is. He has never really empathized with me and said he is sorry what I have gone through and that I have lost my loved ones. At least I cant remember him ever saying that. Maybe he just cant because of narcissistic traits.

I try be as empathic as I can towards him, but now I could only take so much. The thing I react on that day was not that I have lost family members but that my xhusband says it like I dont know how difficult it is. If he only could have knowledged my pain and said he understand and knows how difficult it must have been for me, it would feel better. I had my brother point at me with the rifle and a couple months later he had shot himself. At least my xhusband said it was nothing I could do. I know that. It would just have helped if he could say he is sorry for my pain too. I cant remember him having said that.

Shortandcute, I know its difficult to understand why I am still in contact with him. I sometimes have wondered myself. Its now 3 1/2 years we have been in contact after the cruel divorce. I was then together with my xboyfriend ( who was sociopathic ) and I thought I could handle the contact with my xhusband. I said no 3 times to my xhusband first but he persisted and I gave in. Its not that I have any romantic love for him, as he killed that love when he turned into Hyde. But since then I have also become a christian and even it might have healed me faster by not being in contact with him, I have chosen to think its ok to have contact. Something in me feels sad not being in contact with him. It might be I have not healed the trauma and pain he did let me go through. I dont know how to explain it, one could nearly say I feel split. But I try my best. I have forgiven him, at least I feel I have and think that is true, but the pain of what he did is still within me. I dont love him, but I feel a pain and sadness, but I might not know quite clearly enough what the pain really is. It feels much like a death. So maybe this is why I keep contact.

That I feel guilty for having feelings, I know this is not healthy. I just wish it didnt have to happen that way when it was talk about his father. I guess I have the right to express my feelings too. Yesterday I watched vision norway a lot ( a christian channel ) and they talked about Jesus having cleansed us. It was Todd White who was the speaker. I like him, he is good.