Having pity I've learned differs from having compassion. And having pity isn't love, even in a platonic sense. I only communicate with my ex as it relates to the children. And even, at that, it's limited. Sometimes, I may expand on a topic, such as dealing with my family of origin, only because I have come to trust it will be a positive for me discussion in the sense that it's supportive with historical knowledge.
He also didn't dismiss how affected I am overall by losing my mom, he'd lost his years prior. I trust, however, that he cannot comprehend how torn I feel on various holidays over my loss, so I don't expect him to. And I don't go there with him.