I dont know what it is what keeps me connected to him. I just know I would feel very sad and lost/alone if not having the contact. It may be fear.

I had no problems going NC with my last xboyfriend because I experienced his horrible behavior him being presence. It feels different with my xhusband, maybe because he was not in my country and nearly all the abuse happened over the internet. Well, there happened some bad things down there in middle east, but the worst was online. Some would maybe say the worst would be what was happening down there but for me the worst was online with verbal abuse. Because it was a shock and he tortured me for weeks during the divorce.