So to start, I haven't been diagnosed, or tested for anything ever. However, I do feel that I'm not 'normal' seeing as no one I see seems to experience the same behaviours as me.

With every single unusual thing I do, be it the twitching or the stuttering or the 'dramatic' mood swings or the thoughts of death or the constant restlessness or anything else, I always have this irritating underlying thought. I ask myself why I'm doing whatever it is, but then come up with the answer of I don't know why. But then I will immediately think 'what if I'm just doing all of this sub-consciously just to get attention?' I'll try to stop what I'm doing but then I can't do it, and I just worry even more that there's nothing happening, or nothing wrong, just that I want attention. I hate having this thought all the time, and it's probably one of the reasons that I didn't tell anyone when I did not want to live anymore.

Does anyone know how to tell if I am just messed up and doing this all for attention? I really hope not because it's making my life harder and harder...