It's like an obsession not really that, more like a confusion. I never know when anyone is honest with me. I feel everyone is a back stabber I'm the crazy one and I shouldn't deserve to live or feel. When I openly express this I get treated with anger and resentment towards me. Like every time I feel I did something wrong every time I need someone they never show up except to get mad when I'm bothering their day.

You aren't my friends you don't love me. You're not my family. I'm the joke, please just throw me away get a hitman to kill me or something. Just do away with me. I'm tired of feeling scared out of my mind that someone wants me dead and mentally scared and tortured. I'm sick of it.
I can't remember a day in my life where I wasn't like this.