I keep having this thought reoccur over and over in my head for years. I've been able to keep things together with relatively few extreme incidents without going on medication. The therapists I've seen have both told me I need medication but I've always avoided it. My gp, who I tell almost nothing to, says I'm not bp and has but me on different diets, suggested anti-depressants, referred me to counseling and psychiatrists to which I have never gone. I love my gp for everything but this. She suggested a natural positive mood supporter which I love and has helped a lot. I always go back and forth in my mind about whether I believe I have bp2 or not. Sometimes I am 100% I have it, and others that I am weak and simply need to be more disciplined about how I feel and express myself, and other times that I need to be on a more strict schedule with sleeping and eating. Because of this never ending debate, I never feel comfortable with seeking more serious help or with confiding in people. I even have trouble being honest with myself about how I have felt in the past, seeing mood swings or seeing lack of regard for my own life.
I already know tomorrow is going to be bad since I have to be up for work in 4 hours, find my job boring, and hate being too tired to go to the gym after work. I've been so good about my schedule and eating but slipped today and skipped a meal which throws off the little bit of balance that my life possess.