I am not sure how much I want to share about all the details right now, but I can relate to everything you are saying. I think sexuality can be a way to self medicate just like alcohol or anything else that is addictive.

I hope you and your husband can work things out. Remember that shame is useless emotion. You have no reason to feel shame. It is different than guilt. I think you are a good person, just like your husband is. You did something that made you feel guilty, but that guilt can drive you to make changes in your life to help you.