I cracked the screen on my chromebook the other day. So haven't checked in. Luckily I've that covered and can get it replaced. Some alarm kept going off and I slept through most of it but between that and the night staff NOT CLOSING THE DOOR after head check I woke up really early. One of the alarms is right outside the door of "my room" and it started goign on and off and startled me and I ended having an accident with the chromeobook.

I don't know what it was but most of the night staff were great about night checks...discrete and would close the door. But last night and the night before someone kept leaving my door open so not a lot of sleep.

I was discharged today. Didn't go to any groups, but that was okay the therapist doing most of them today is one I didn't really click with.

I'm kind of torn about being out....there are good things -I am alone in my house! I got to pet my cat! Tonight no one will open my bedroom door (it will be open because of aforementioned cat). Also there were 2 new patients there were just loud and wanted to watch TV all the time and 1 guy he *****ed about stuff and I'm pretty sure he has an eating disorder but he'd deny it. I don't think I ever saw him when he wasn't about to eat, finished eating, eating, or complaining about his meals getting messed up and getting another one. He was glad to be on the floor and went to all the groups but just... I dunno hard personality to deal with.

Also there wasn't a definitive plan for discharge. The partial hospitalization program is out becuase my insurance won't pay for it. There was another place they were trying to get info about but hand't heard back.

I see my therapist tomorrow and we're going to talk about stuff and work on a plan. Figure out some way for me to have more theraputic support.

One medical person today asked if I was going back to work on Wednesday, just see about going back for an hour or two. And I said no. Wednesday I'm going to play online and read and do wahtever I want and not leave the house unless I want to.

I was admitted a week ago Saturday, the thursday before that Mom went home after a 9 day visit. I love her but I had an unexpected doctor's appointment on Friday and so I have either been doing stuff and totally having anxiety attacks or in the hospital. I want at least one day just to be.

Plus I want to have a plan in place so I can call work and tell them "I can be tehre on these days/times" and then not have anxiety so bad that I end up back in the hospital.

However, I will be going back by there tomorrow. There were two women who don't have anyone relaly. One has a friend who lives over an hour away but doesn't have a working car, the other has a husband who lives 2 hours away. I didn't have anyone but my ex bf who came by and took me out. But they both talked about seeing other patients with lots of visitors and little treats and flowers.

So tomorrow I'm going to take them each a bouquet of flowers and one dark chocolate and the a small volume of poetry because we did a poetry thing and she'd never really read poetry and never wrote anything and what she wrote was so beautiful and I shared some of my favorites and she was just... happy and amazed. Plus it's her birthday in a few days and I know what it's like to spend your birthday in the hospital.

I asked if it was okay and talked ot one woman about it and everyone was okay. The other one I couldn't get a chance so I'm going to surprise her. I'm not doing anything extravagant just something to make their stay brighter.

And make me feel like I made a real connection with people even if it was just brief and possibly fleeting.