You are not being a big baby or mean or anything like that. Clearly your parents are emotionally abusive. This is a serious thing, and you have a right to validate it.

I see a number of emotionally abusive experiences in your situation: favoritism (you being the scapegoat, your sister being the golden child), unfair blaming (you are not to blame for their marital problems!), insensitivity to your emotional needs, manipulation, and on and on.

Abusers can certainly be loving and affectionate, so the two aren't incompatible. The fact that some survivors have unaffectionate parents doesn't invalidate your experiences. It's just a different set of experiences. Abusive parents can also appear to be supporting us and boosting our self-esteem, but when their compliments contradict their behavior, we feel there's something fake in them, so it's not real support. That might be what happened in your family.

There's a lot I could identify with in your experiences. My parents were also loving and affectionate and convinced me that we were a loving family. They also appeared to tell me often that I was wonderful. It took me years to realize that I was wonderful only when I did what they wanted. They trained me to hide who I really was and to be only who they wanted me to be.

I also experienced a lot of anxiety as a child, teen, and young adult, though it never got to the point of needing medications. I also was often depressed (though again, not to the point of having trouble functioning). I, however, learned to hide all of it because I learned early that they didn't like to see negative emotions. I had perfect parents, right, so why should I be anxious and depressed?

Anger is not only natural but, in my opinion, healthy. My healing began only when I allowed myself to be angry at them. That lasted quite a while. I don't feel angry anymore, but I also don't even think of it in terms of forgiveness. (This is an extremely complex issue when it comes to abuse of any kind, so I prefer not to open that can of worms. Forgiving abusers is a personal thing.) I think of it in terms of understanding. I realize now that my parents are mentally ill and abuse survivors themselves, and everything they did was a reaction to those painful experiences. At the same time, they hurt me constantly when I was in contact with them, and I have a right to validate that.

I definitely recommend therapy as soon as you can get it. Please make sure your therapist understands emotional abuse. Unfortunately, not all of them do. If s/he tries to convince you that their behavior was normal and you're being over-sensitive or whatever, I strongly recommend you find another therapist! It's that important to talk to someone who validates your experiences.

There are also books out there on emotional abuse. A great one is called "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward. She does write about physical abuse and sexual abuse as well, but there's a lot about emotional abuse in there. It was my wake-up call! There are also a couple more that you might find interesting, like "Cutting Loose" by Howard Halpern and "If You Had Controlling Parents" by Dan Neuharth.

As far as getting over the anger, it's going to take time. I really believe the worst thing an abuse survivor can do is try to get over it too soon. There's a lot to be angry about, and we need to give ourselves the space to be as angry as we need to be for as long as we need to be angry.

It's totally reasonable to lose patience with their behavior as you begin to validate their abuse. It might be a good idea to minimize contact with them as you begin your healing journey to save yourself as much aggravation as possible. (Minimizing contact with your sister might be a good idea as well since it seems she doesn't understand the issues.) At some point, you'll be able to decide whether you really want any contact with them. When you absolutely have to see them, it might be best to continue to be emotionally distant to minimize their behavior.

All of this is to say that there definitely sounds like there was/is emotional abuse in your family and your anger is natural. I really do think reading one or more of the books I noted above will be a helpful first step. Stay strong! Things will get better!