i really love him. and it's really hard because everyone says it's impossible and i'd gladly find someone else.. but "someone else" doesn't automatically fall out of the air. i tried to seek contact with my old lovers but i already ruined that contact completely, plus, i don't want to go after "someone like him" if you get what i mean. i've had it before too that i just liked someone because he looked like someone.

it's hard because i am really stupid in that sort of situations when liking someone and if he'd accept that all it'd be nice.

i kept holding on to the fact our last phonecall was very sweet, and he said he saw me as a sis. still i want to be awesome for him too.

on the clinic hostel, it seems like a sort of taboo for everyone for me to like him. but i think if he actually likes me on a friendly way he can come to my party right?