I'm new to this forum so I dont want to start posting all kinds of suggestions when I know as little as the next guy.. With that being said, I have had a (somewhat) similar situation in my life.... Perhaps more detail can be added someday. For now I just wanted to try to respond and perhaps help with some piece of mind.... One thing I felt strongly from your post was the pain you have from not seeing him any longer... It hurts so so much.. And im so sorry that you hurt.. Its been 6 months... Many times that can be when it hurts the most... The reality begins to set in... I know everyone must tell you the same thing but its true.. It WILL get better... I want to say 6 months from now it will improve but the pain and just wanting to know what he is doing most likely wont be gone... A yr and a half and the sting will begin to be less painful. The first time you realize that you didnt think about him all day will be the first REAL day of recovery.. at least it seemed that way for me... Problem is that most likely it will only be the following day that you realize you didnt think of him... There are healthy ways to deal with this.. Ways to distract.. Ways to lesson the guilt.... If you come back to this post and read mine I'd like to give you some tricks that helped me...

I dont claim to have the answers . I've made many many mistakes and live with a lot of regret.. But I've learned that getting advice from multiple ppl and then combining it in my own way is how I often find solutions.... take care