So, as you might have read, I'm ok when I first wake up, feel terrible until about 10, then usually ok until bedtime. Dont get me wrong, there are days when I just sit in bed and cry. I had a suicidal plan last week. Called hotline, etc. etc.

Saw pdoc last week. He put me on Ritalin. Any experience with that?

So, a little background on my therapist. We were doing fine. Talk therapy and started on a little DBT. Until I was in the hospital and my intern doc talked to her. I think now she feels that every session has to be about DBT. Well, most of the time I need to talk. A while ago, my husband and I were having problems. She told me she didn't think it would be helpful for me to see her until we worked things out. So, after a period of time (when my husband and I were doing better) I called her. She said why are you calling, to make an appointment? So I saw her again. The day I saw her I was VERY depressed. The word suicide came up. It was not good. She again said that she doesn't think she's doing me much good. Really? So I requested a new therapist. When I saw Pdoc, he said that the report from her said that I was unwilling to accept treatment. Wow. I couldn't believe it. Anyhow, I think I need a talk therapist and a DBT/CBT therapist. I hope that can work that out.

Again, still dealing with the cognitive decline. It succks so bad. My EI runs out June 20. I will have no money coming in after that. I'm scared to death and so is my husband. We NEED to have two incomes. But I really don't think I'm ready to go back to work. I hated the job I left and have been applying for tons of jobs, but no calls.

My husband thinks that I haven't been doing what I'm supposed to to get better. Which is party true. But when you feel like dying, it's pretty hard to go for a walk or go through your CBT/DBT books. He thinks that once I feel a bit better, it's all good. He doesn't understand that it needs to be baby steps or I'll end up right back where I was.

Well, I guess I just needed to rant. If you get through all of this, I will be surprised!

Have a good day everyone!