i also read toxic parents and it was a great eye opener. i think i read it a couple years ago, before i would've ever thought to call my mom abusive. it helped me understand a little bit. i think it was getting me ready for having to accept the full extent of abuse.
cause i totally can relate to not knowing if the abuse was "bad enough" cause your parents were good.
i grew up thinking my mom was the best most loving person in the world. and now whenever i try to bring any of it up she says i'm just doing it to hurt her.
if you're having a hard time because you love them too much, just bring up the abuse and the way they react will piss you off enough to start to be able to validate your own experiences