<font color="blue"> </font> After re-reading your post...I don't think my comment fits your situation...I think it is awful what your mom is doing...I read to fast and thought something else...I'm sorry... <font color="black"> </font>

Anyway I will describe what I meant and how I test the kids (since you asked and I probably confused you - not my intent)...I am sensitive to how these three words are used...

Equal - generally accepted as identical portions

Fair - easily mixed up with equal...not necessarily identical portions but seems to have some kind of standard free from favoritism

Just right - you get what you need when you need it...

Example

Equal - 2 children each have an extra curricular activity...

Fair - This is were it gets more abstract...Does fair mean not only do you get an extra curricular activity but if somehow one costs more than they other that you are somehow due the difference. My opinion...no

Just right - each child is in an extra curricular activity that they enjoy regardless of the costs...

In my particular case...I purchased my oldest a cello and will be providing private lessons as the school he transfered to doesn't teach strings...Middle child will rent a clarinet and receive lessons from his public school...

This example by most would say that it is not equal, some would consider it unfair as one owns the instrument and will get private lessons...In my world this is just right...each of them are able to participate in an activity they both enjoy...this is just one example of how I help them understand that equal and fair are generally not as important as "just right".

Again I'm sorry for the confusion