How painful, Terrie. You've received some good advice here. You have to make the right choices alone as he's not capable. It doesn't mean he will never become stable and whole, but you absolutely must protect your assets and options in a business-like manner. It doesn't mean you have to stop loving him or being friends with him. But the chances of ever sharing your assets responsibly in open trust with him are slim, in my opinion. Depression is a monster that can slip in the smallest crack under the door in the quiet of night. It takes time and practice.

I suspect he hasn't hit the bottom just yet. And after he does, if he truly wants another shot at life with you, you must be strong enough to make good decisions. Write down your boundaries, the lines you won't accept being crossed. It's going to take some time for him to get it together in a meaningful way and you can't make it too comfortable for him (if it comes to that) to break commitments to his own stability and health.

I found NAMI to be a very good organization for support.