I'll start the story as a child and finish it as I am today, trying to keep it as short as possible. There is a TL;DR at the bottom with my final question, the rest is just background knowledge! Sorry in advance for the background story!
As a young child around the age of 5 I used to come home from preschool/kindergarten and lie on my bed crying and saying I hated my life and wanted to kill myself. My mother was very worried and was not sure how to handle things with me. I had intense fears of almost everything, hiding from the sound of wind because a tornado came and crashed through my school while I was in it, or being terrified of a candle across the room because a box of fireworks went off next to me and set a field on fire, leaving me trapped on the other side. I was a nutcase and there was nothing at the time that could be done to help me.
As my life progressed not many but a few suicide attempts were made and countless thoughts and detailed plans were stranded together. By the time I was 16 It was clear that I was a very depressed child, my grades begun to slip from an excelling student to one who was failing most subjects. I was diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety. My father was diagnosed with Bipolar and was incorrectly diagnosed so he fought the psychiatrists efforts to medicate me.
Now a few years down the track I am 18 years of age, my coping strategies and self-awareness of moods is significantly improved. However, I am still incredibly sad on the inside and it becomes overwhelming and debilitating sometimes. I have been in discussion with my doctor and he has come to the conclusion that I might very well have Bipolar. My moods cycle and I am able to feel a shift in moods about 1 or 2 days prior, like rain clouds coming in.
I am tempted to agree with what he is saying but as my mother has pointed out to me I have not yet had any episodes or increased mania as to do damage to something, and I very rarely have an extreme sense of happiness or productivity. (I do get these but only about once every 2 weeks for 2-3 day periods) I am often in a spiraling depression but can help control it with the aid of music and alooot of effort. My doctor is seriously worried and is suggesting imidate diagnosis with medication. My long term girlfriend who has grown up with me thinks it is a perfect diagnosis and is worried if I don't get it sorted now it will escalate to me becoming physical or abusive, so I want to get it sorted now so I can continue to be loving and supportive towards her!
TL;DR
So I guess my final question is this. Is it possible that I could have Bipolar without frequent manic up states, but instead have them replaced by mild happy feeling behaviour with a slightly accelerated motivation?
Any help or advice is appreciated! I'm sorry if something here doesn't make sense or I've left something important out, it's just late and I'm feeling incredibly tired and run down. You have no idea how much it means to me to be able to have people's opinions on what to do. The more info you can give me the better! Thank you everyone in advance!
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