Yeah, I feel the same way about being cheated sometimes. I miss my real self. It's frustrating that "stable" means happiness isn't for me. People don't care if a person with bipolar is slightly dysphoric and anxious all of the time. They only care when they're causing "trouble" for others.

I felt this way for a while and I still do, but I guess at the same time "blah" is becoming normal for me. I remember feeling destined (by god, the universe, etc) to do things too. Turns out that was just euphoria leading into mania. Now I know that if I have goals, it is because I chose them and I am continuing to pursue them. It's so strange how consciousness can be changed so much by just a few life experiences and a few mg of drugs.

Most of all, I miss my confidence. I didn't have an extraordinary amount to begin with (barring mania), now it's just about non-existent.