I have gotten three hours of sleep in the past three days and those three hours was the night before last.

Yesterday, after an entire week of computer problems, i finally got it fixed and back online. My bedframe was delivered and two other things i got for my bedroom.

At 7am this morning i couldnt take it anymore. I was so exhausted, tired, drugged myself with advil and benedryl besides my meds just to try to sleep. Still couldnt sIeep so i went into my house and started putting together the bedframe, desk and chair. Then installed some door knobs and painted some trim. All the time doing these things, i only felt the constant need to continue the motions of getting back into the house. Not once did i smile, feel happy, or appreciate the fact that im going to have all this new stuff, new house, everything. I wish i could enjoy this and be happy about it. Except that i know its gonna happen again. and excitement over this fact stops me from any enjoyable feelings.

Im a wuss. I do know i cant live my life thinkin this way all the time. I just cant stop those thoughts. I think all the time, whats the use. Its only gonna be washed away again.

I need sleep.