You are not a bad person for finding usefulness in the rituals. This is a common difficulty of stopping many unhealthy behaviors: the rituals, the functions in one's life go beyond the basic act itself. In my opinion it would be good to write down the positive meanings of which you speak, the needs that are being met by the rituals, and think about safer, healthier ways of meeting those needs. If you share those needs here maybe others can help you with them, and vice versa.